It's the thought that drives many of us at RUSVM into stress overload as we gear up and take on finals week every semester. We've attached quite the negative stigma to the thought of repeating (not sure why though). We even (dramatically) figure our life will be OVER if it happens to us.
I'm here to tell you it's NOT the end of your world!! In fact...I know now that there are MORE positives than negatives to this little hurtle that a significant number of us at RUSVM have jumped over (you are not alone if you ever go through this!).
But I'm not going to sugar coat the whirlwind of feelings that run through your heart and head when you scroll down that grade site and there's that big fat "F" glaring right at you.
There I was...I had just started my travels from St. Kitts to South Africa for my trip with WildlifeVets (I'll post a blog on this experience later). I was starting to feel feverish and sick probably because my immune system knew it was post-finals time and it could finally crash. After all, finals week is when we neglect and abuse our bodies as we fill it full of any caffeinated beverage we can get our hands on, we eat every sugary snack and unhealthy snack that we come across, we get basically no sleep, and let's not get into the scientific aspect of what that kind of stress you experience in those days does to you physiologically! When my plane landed at my first stop, I paid for the internet in the airport so I could get my grades as soon as the frenzy of facebook posts had began indicating our grades were available. I can honestly say I wasn't concerned about the possibility of not passing any of my courses from 5th semester. Like the classic novel, Moby Dick...THERE SHE BLEW! The "F" in Small Animal Medicine.
It knocked the wind right out of me when I saw it. Tears swelled up in my eyes instantly (and when I cry...it's not pretty...my face turns red all over, my eyes turn bloodshot, I get extremely congested...like I said, not pretty!). My mind began to race with literally a thousand thoughts, fears, and questions.
"What now?" "This sets me back 4 more months from my original date to leave the island and begin my clinical year" "This sets me back 4 months from seeing my family...from seeing my stateside pets...from being reunited with friends...from being back to my boyfriend's side." "Where did I go wrong?" "Should I still go to South Africa?" "Should I just go home to be with my family?" "What is everyone going to say or think about me?" "How is this going to affect me down the road?"
I was in a state of panic to say the least and stuck in an airport overnight to sleep on the cold floor. I began contacting the people that I love the most, my aunt and uncle as well as the boyfriend. Nothing they said made me feel better or helped me at the time. I was inconsolable (thank God for patient loved ones!), but at the same time I still didn't want my boyfriend to get off of Skype with me and leave me alone with those thoughts of worthlessness, defeat, insecurity, and uncertainty.
Boy was that the roughest night being stuck sleeping on the hard, cold airport floor (gross!) while my fever was in full swing especially after my cry session that probably lasted a good two hours.
Like I said...not going to sugar coat my experience. I'm truly hoping my honesty and insight can maybe help others who find themselves in this same hard-to-swallow situation.
The boyfriend talked me into sticking to the original plan and making my way to South Africa (EXTREMELY grateful he didn't let me ditch this amazing experience while I was delusional from my fever and the sadness and heaviness of my situation that filled my heart and mind). So off I went...got on my morning flight and began the long journey, fever/sickness in tow...NOT FUN! (don't worry it finally broke after a couple restful and cozy nights at the WildlifeVets lodge)
Briefly I want to describe the process that happens after you fail one course in a semester and answer that question resonating in your head from the moment you see that failing grade...WHAT NOW????
So you get an email from the registrar that gives you the options for repeating the semester (I opted to only take Small Animal Medicine because it is a 5 credit course and that would provide me with the full amount of financial aid...or something like that...I honestly still don't have a good grasp of all those details behind this part). Then I sent an email to the coordinating professor of the course (for me this was Dr. Kelly) requesting a meeting when I returned to the island to review my final exam and discuss how to approach the course differently this second time around. I mean you have the option to appeal your failure(s) in front of a committee, but I personally made the decision to not go this route after learning from that meeting to review my final that it wasn't that I was just one question off from passing the course. I made the decision to live with it all and accept that this was part of my path to earning my DVM.
Alright...time to change tunes and get into the truly positive positives of repeating a course/semester!! This is going to be a long list! And although many of these things were not obvious to me immediately when I found myself lost in the land of emotional limbo, I can proudly say that I can fully appreciate all of these now that the storm has passed.
- For me one of the initial positives that pulled me up off the ground was that I was going to be reunited with my bestie in my new class. She had been through what I was going through and being the friend that she has always been from our Vet Prep semester, she was right there to help me dust myself off and get back on my horse. I know she's going to read this blog and I want her to know that if it wasn't for her, I probably would have crumbled upon returning to school and the island. Thank you so much for not letting me crumble. I hope I can always be the friend to you that you have been to me.
- Free time=me time! Well...normally this would have been the case considering I was only taking one course and it only took an hour of my time every day of the week (8a-9a course). But I'm kind of a workaholic and don't know what to do with so much free time...soooo
- I kicked off a doggy daycare business! During my downtime in South Africa, I decided that I could use my time to help my fellow Rossies as well as help their beloved dog(s). So, I put together a whole list of services/prices/policies and my client contracts/pet forms. I came up with very affordable prices and started spreading the word about my intentions. It was a hit! I had a crew of regulars for my doggy daycare before I knew it! By far the best way I could have spent my free time. Each with their own personalities, I loved my doggy daycare pups! Not a single day was boring and have you ever just watched a group of dogs play and romp around with each other...so entertaining! Not just was I giving these pups tons of attention and playtime, I was also giving their owners a peace of mind that we all struggle with as we stumble around finding a balance between studying and giving our pups the best we can. Personally, when I know that I've helped someone out in any way, it fills my heart with so much joy! (yes, I know that sounds cheesy...just who I am though) So all semester long...my heart was extremely satisfied with the thought of all the pups and owners that I was really giving a helping hand to. Another great aspect of this little business plan that I put together is that it really put my organizational and communication skills to work (don't get me wrong, there were bumps along the way...scheduling errors and even having to tell a couple clients that I couldn't continue to help them or their pets because of the way that they handled themselves when an human error had been made).
- Time to focus on Small Animal Medicine! I was getting the opportunity to be exposed and taught some really significant and clinically relevant information again (taught by some incredible professors and definitely knowledge that will carry you through some rotations in clinics and even help you with the NAVLE). It was my job to take total advantage of this. I knew after meeting with the course coordinator where I had gone wrong and where I needed to really strengthen my knowledge this second time around...it was go time! It was not the time to dwell on the shoulda-woulda-coulda's of the previous semester and beat myself up over where I fell short with this course in the previous semester. As my good friend, Dee, has said to me: "Put down the baseball bat!" I've always been really hard on myself, but I needed to let those thoughts go and push myself to focus and achieve the best grade possible NOW.
- RUSVM's JOSH PROJECT! My heart has always been in this wonderful organization and it's mission. Repeating 5th semester gave me the opportunity to really guide the student who was taking over my position as chair and all it's duties and responsibilities. It gave me the chance to truly push her to being on her own in the following semester and ensuring that she had a good handle on everything (with the peace of mind that I'd be around and still a part of Josh Project for another two semesters while she was running the show :) ). Sticking around for another 4 months also meant I got to attend more hospital visits to the children at the pediatric ward at JNF General Hospital...I can't resist those smiles! I also had a couple random projects that I wanted to nail down before I had to go off to my clinical year...now I would have 4 more months to make sure these came together!
- I have a slight weakness and obsession for the delicious margaritas and Indian food that is made with love at Bombay Blues. So repeating a semester meant I got to enjoy these amazing people and their restaurant for another 4 months!
- A new class to be a part of! Much love to my former semester, but who doesn't like getting to know and work with a fresh batch of faces??!! I actually knew some that were in my new semester because of Josh Project. Luckily, with my position with Josh Project I've had to interact with a lot of the student body at RUSVM and that has meant not limiting myself to just those in my former semester in order to be successful with our fundraising events, creating awareness of our organization, and also recruiting new students. Anyways, I was excited to be in a new class :)
- Clinical placements! My GPA took a hit, but nothing that I couldn't bounce back from (improve my grade with Small Animal Medicine and still have another semester to really put in work towards my GPA that will be presented to the clinical schools that I put on my application in 7th semester). There are plenty of schools that are affiliated with RUSVM that will still take me based on their minimum GPA requirements. Lastly, in the words of several 7th semesters that filled out a survey recently for our semester, placement is "a crap shoot" LOL. Not even being the top of your class necessarily guarantees you your "first" choice clinical school. So I'm not really getting the short end of the stick for clinical placements because I repeated a course/semester...I'm in the same boat as my classmates still.
- I rescued three puppies! With the help of my friend who is also in charge of one of the amazing stray rescue organization at RUSVM, S.A.F.E (their official website), we cleaned up these three scrawny, tick infested, and mangy (but adorable, of course) boys and started them on the road to a new life! Don't worry, I didn't keep them all...just one. Wait...what did I sign myself up for!? I really had no plan as to what I was going to do with them, but I couldn't let them fend for themselves for another day...life was going to turn around for them because I said so! I've watched so many fellow colleagues rescue/foster during their time at RUSVM...how hard could it be? It wasn't hard at all :) A friend helped me transport the puppies back to my apartment and she instantly fell in love with the first one she picked up and placed in her arms (now named Zante)...one down, two to go! After reaching out to another organization at RUSVM that is in the business of rescuing strays and neglected animals, PAWS, they were happy to take in the "runt" (who I named Johnny Ringo...Ringo for short) and place him with an amazing foster mom. After letting them know that I'd be happy to foster the remaining pup (who I named Pistol Pete...Pistol or Pete for short), they agreed to take him into their adoption program. Did I mention that I kept one? Yea, I was a foster fail. Whoops! I loved Pistol from the moment I met him and knew I'd never be able to give him to another home. He's the best cuddle bug, loves playing ball, extremely intelligent, and has the big island dog ears that stand straight up. He has made a lovely addition to my small zoo :)
- Although I didn't go home the previous break (went to South Africa), I jumped on a plane and flew home for midsemester break. I got to see some of my best friends from back home, my family, my pets, and my boyfriend. A much needed visit with loved ones that recharged me mentally.
- I have a better understanding of how to study for these more clinically relevant courses! You guessed it, I passed the course that I repeated and am now in 6th semester. I can honestly say that I have a much better grip on how to prepare for the exam questions this semester because I now know what to focus on with the material as well as what to take away from the information. PS. I love 6th semester...by far my best and favorite semester yet (we are only half way through at the moment and I'll be writing a blog specifically focusing on this semester later on)!
- Support! I had support from all directions and I know that this was a very important component to my success and ability to bounce back from the little set back of repeating. I had people the entire time throughout the semester cheering me on, pushing me to carry on, and demanding I do my damnedest. What was so awesome was that the support even came from newly found friendships. I am so grateful for those that gave me words of encouragement and even shared their own experiences with me.
MYTH BUSTED! It wasn't the end of the world to repeat a course! And there were so many positives that came from this slight change in my path/plans. Wouldn't change the way things happened or turned out at all. I'm grateful for the new perspective the entire experience provided me with and the opportunity for academic as well as personal growth that were part of the package too.
